Tomorrow will be three years since my two daughters and grandson were in a horrible car accident. This accident left my two daughters severely injured and my grandson with minor injuries. My youngest daughter died two months later and my older daughter had a total of 8 surgeries, with life long injuries, both physical and psychological. Denial has been our friend at times. If it weren’t for that, we never would have survived this long. At times, I have wanted to penetrate those around me who have appeared to not be as affected. Then I have to realize, usually with the help of a friend, that what appears to be not caring is really just people coping the best way they can. As Alex’s mother, of course I am going to grieve and mourn more intensely than most, except her father. I know he suffers as I do. We are not able to walk through this together at this point. I have felt angry and upset that her friends have just moved on without remembering her. They don’t see us, read or post on her Facebook or her page I made to remember her. I forget that this doesn’t mean they don’t remember or grieve for her. What I fail to recognize at times, is that I am just so very mad, sad at sickened that my beautiful Alex is gone, no babies, no marriage, no college..the list goes on and on. I can really fall into being an angry, bitter person. I do not want to stay there though, and it usually don’t. I want to get better, I want to heal enough to pass on her legacy, which is love and forgiveness. She was much better at this, so I will try to remember to ask for direction. My Spiritual health has still not recovered from losing Alex. I have committed to going to Compassionate Friends on a regular basis. My journey isn’t over yet, and there are days when this is very difficult to say the least.