I really have a huge need to know that Alex is being taken care of up in Heaven, and that it is a real place, and not just something we have all made up to make ourselves feel better. I have been writing most of my thoughts and feelings on Facebook, but I think it is time that I make the switch to my Blog, which may be more appropriate. The worst feeling in the world is to be judged while grieving. We all grieve differently, and I am very open and need to process my experience through writing. Not everyone is comfortable with this, so here I am. Not a lot of people comment or read my blog, so I have been hesitant to make the switch. I have gotten tremendous support from my FB friends from their comments. I have written since the accident to update people with Alex’s progress in the hospital. Since her death, I have written as a way to process my grief. Some people have had some concern that I am dwelling on the past and not moving forward. My immediate reaction was to get mad. Now I understand that they are just concerned.
Following Alex’s graduation, I became engulfed in sadness and grief. I wasn’t sure I was going to handle this process. Fortunately, the intensity has passed, but I know it will come again periodically. There is no fast forward button for grieving. I sometimes wonder if I am afraid to let go of this at all because it is a connection to Alex. I love her so much and my heart is broken. I would never want her to think I have forgotten her. I have read a lot of material on other parents’ experiences with losing their children, and I sure have a lot in common with them.
I am hesitant to make any trips, as it doesn’t seem fair to go without Alex. I know this is typical of a grieving parent, especially early in the process. It has been four and half months since she died, but six and half since I had a two way conversation with her or saw her laugh. She was the child who every parent would dream of having. I miss her so much.
- Mother’s Day Poems For Grieving Parents (onetosix.wordpress.com)
- The Life of a Grieving Mother (ninaeboone.wordpress.com)