Another Step in the Grief Process

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Happy Spring! Not! I can’t believe the snow. Just packed up the rest of Alex’s clothes. Made me so sad. All the memories of her wearing them, and the thought process that goes with the that she doesn’t need them any longer. This makes her being gone feel so much more real. Seeing that a few of her favorite shirts are gone, like her Boston shirt that we got last time we went..makes me wonder where they are. It isn’t the clothes themselves..it is that they were Alexs’. I suppose I have bigger fish to fry than worrying about it. I plan on asking her two best friends to take what they want..she was so tiny that they won’t fit any of us here..Eli probably wouldn’t wear them either. 🙂 I know this is just part of the process, but it sure feels awful.
I got to babysit Rylan today while Hopee went to work. It was a pleasure. He is such an easy baby. He is sure looking around at everything now. He hates having his clothes or diaper changed..that is when he really cries..the rest of the time he just kind of squeaks. He is eating so much more than he was at first. He and Hopee are going to Seattle for a few days to see my stepdad and his wife, Tia. Jenny, Tia’s daughter is coming to get her tomorrow..hope the weather is okay for her to drive down here. I am very grateful to have all of them in our lives. They have been so supportive, loving and helpful through all of this.
Landria made it to Vegas..they rented a house, so I guess she is really moving there. I hope she likes it there. The house is about 15 miles outside of the city, so that makes me feel better about it.
My first counseling appointment since Alex died went okay. I hate going, as it is so painful. I have learned through other work I have done that only way to get to the other side of something is to walk through it. There are no shortcuts or diversions if I want to get through this time in a healthy manner. I am not saying I wouldn’t like either of those things..I would! It only prolongs the inevitable though. My therapist did say that I can only feel so much at one time though, so walking around like a zombie is okay as much as I need to. He also said that I am moving forward..so that made me feel like at least I am not stuck in this process.
Hope everyone drives safely out there. I am afraid to drive, more so because of what happened to the girls, as it was foggy and icy when it happened. I lived in Alaska for a year, so I know how to drive in it, but not a lot of people here seem very experienced with these conditions..rightly so, we don’t get this kind of weather very often. Be careful if you have to drive anywhere!
More later…

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